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  • Blizzard Entertainment Faces Public Backlash For Banning Esports Champion October 15, 2019
    After an outcry from players for a move widely perceived as bowing to Chinese censorship, Blizzard Entertainment has decreased the ban of Heathstone player Blitzchung from 12 months to 6 months and allowed him to keep the $10,000 in winnings of which he had initially been stripped. What do you think?Read more...
  • Report: Kangaroo At Petting Zoo Can’t Be Good October 15, 2019
    PITTSFIELD, IL—Questioning exactly how the marsupial even made its way to such a small roadside attraction, local father Kyle Conrad, 43, confirmed Tuesday that a kangaroo at the Sherman Farm’s Petting Zoo could not possibly be a good thing. “Man, there’s no way that a kangaroo should just be sitting in a dirty pen at…Read […]
  • NBA Quietly Waiting For NFL To Fuck Up And Take Some Heat Off October 15, 2019
    NEW YORK—Hoping that it was just a matter of time for some sort of scandal to draw attention away from the recent controversy with China, sources reported Tuesday that NBA commissioner Adam Silver is waiting quietly for the NFL to fuck up and take some heat off. “I’m sure they have some domestic abuse allegations […]
  • Hunter Biden Admits It Was Poor Judgment To Be Involved With Corrupt Biden Family October 15, 2019
    WESTERVILLE, OH—In a television interview where he conceded that he had made some significant mistakes, Hunter Biden admitted Tuesday it was poor judgment on his part to be involved with the corrupt Biden family. “Now that I’ve had time to step back and take stock, it’s clear to me that due to the numerous…Read more...
  • 911 Operator Informs Black Caller That Death Is On The Way October 15, 2019
    LITTLE ROCK, AR—Reassuring the man that he would receive an immediate response to his emergency, a 911 operator reportedly informed local black caller Jerry Wardell Tuesday that death was on the way. “Thank you for calling 911, please sit tight and don’t worry, first responders will be there to end your life shortly,”…Read more...
  • 5 Things To Know About ‘Zombieland: Double Tap’ October 15, 2019
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  • State-Of-The-Art PA System Squandered On Lutheran Church October 15, 2019
    BRANSON, MO—Questioning the motivation and financial wisdom of the recent investment on the part of Blessed Hope Lutheran, parishioners and concerned locals alike confirmed Tuesday that a new, state-of-the-art PA system was “completely squandered” on the church. “Everyone knows that the singing here is nothing to…Read more...
  • Dog Ownership Linked To Longer Life October 15, 2019
    Research published in Circulation: Cardiovascular Quality And Outcomes found that dog owners who suffered a stroke or heart attack had a roughly 30% lower chance of death than those without dogs. What do you think?Read more...
  • Husky 9-Year-Old Claims Hotel Hot Tub As Own October 15, 2019
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  • Wings And A Pair October 15, 2019
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  • Encouraged Marine Biologists Project Oceans Will Be Nice, Simmering Seafood Bisque By 2040 October 15, 2019
    KINGSTON, RI—Explaining that their recent findings indicated that climate change would have some positive effects on the environment, encouraged marine biologists at the University of Rhode Island projected Tuesday that the planet’s oceans will be a nice, simmering seafood bisque by 2040. “Within the next 20 years or…Read more...
  • Patriotism FTW: ‘Call Of Duty: Mobile’ Will Now Only Allow Guns To Be Used By Players On American Side October 15, 2019
    When Activision first released Call Of Duty: Mobile early this month, fans were psyched to have the iconic first-player shooter optimized for Android and iPhone. Now it looks like there’s even more to get excited about, because the developers just revealed that an upcoming update for the game will only allow players…Read more...
  • Your Horoscopes — Week Of October 15, 2019 October 15, 2019
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  • Shepard Smith Abruptly Departs Fox News October 14, 2019
    Fox newscaster Shepard Smith abruptly announced his departure from Fox News last week due to rising tensions between the fact-based broadcaster and opinion broadcasters like Sean Hannity. What do you think?Read more...
  • Report: You May Not Remember Mom’s Friend, But Mom’s Friend Sure Remembers You October 14, 2019
    NASHVILLE, TN—In a new report that reveals she has really enjoyed seeing pictures of you growing up over the years, sources indicated Monday that while you may not remember your mother’s friend, your mother’s friend sure does remember you. “I held you in my arms when you were just a tiny newborn baby, but it’s […]

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