Category: Humor

HumorMusicPolitics

Guess Who’s Back?

Intro

This is the calm before the storm right here.

Wait, how was I gonna start this off? I forgot. …

Oh yeah.

Verse

That’s an awfully hot coffee pot,

Should I drop it on Donald Trump? Prob’ly not,

But that’s all I got ’til I come up with a solid plot.

Got a plan and now I gotta hatch it,

Like a damn Apache with a tomahawk,

I’m a walk inside a mosque on Ramadan,

And say a prayer that every time Melania talks,

She gets a mou— ah, I’m a stop.

But we better give Obama props,

‘Cause what we got in office now’s a kamikaze,

That’ll prob’ly cause a nuclear holocaust,

And while the drama pops,

And he waits for s— to quiet down, he’ll just gas his plane up

And fly around ’til the bombing stops.

Intensities heightened, tensions are risin’,

Trump, when it comes to givin’ a s—, you’re stingy as I am,

Except when it comes to having the balls to go against me, you hide ’em,

‘Cause you don’t got the f—ing nuts, like an empty asylum,

Racism’s the only thing he’s fantastic for,

‘Cause that’s how he gets his f—ing rocks off and he’s orange,

Yeah, sick tan,

That’s why he wants us to disband,

‘Cause he can not withstand,

The fact we’re not afraid of Trump,

F— walkin’ on egg shells, I came to stomp,

That’s why he keeps screamin’, “Drain the swamp!”,

‘Cause he’s in quicksand.

It’s like we take a step forwards, then backwards,

But this is his form of distraction,

Plus, he gets an enormous reaction,

When he attacks the NFL, so we focus on that,

Instead of talking Puerto Rico or gun reform for Nevada,

All these horrible tragedies and he’s bored and would rather,

Cause a Twitter storm with the Packers.

Then says he wants to lower our taxes,

Then who’s gonna pay for his extravagant trips,

Back and forth with his fam to his golf resorts and his mansions?

Same s— that he tormented Hillary for and he slandered,

Then does it more,

From his endorsement of Bannon,

Support for the Klansmen,

Tiki torches in hand for the soldier that’s black,

And comes home from Iraq,

And is still told to go back to Africa,

Fork and a dagger in this racist 94-year-old grandpa,

Who keeps ignoring our past historical, deplorable factors,

Now if you’re a black athlete, you’re a spoiled little brat for,

Trying to use your platform or your stature,

To try to give those a voice who don’t have one,

He says, “You’re spittin’ in the face of vets who fought for us you bastards,”

Unless you’re a POW who’s tortured and battered,

‘Cause to him, you’re zeros,

‘Cause he don’t like his war heroes captured.

That’s not disrespecting the military.

F— that! This is for Colin, ball up a fist,

And keep that s— balled like Donald the b—-,

“He’s gonna get rid of all immigrants!”

“He’s gonna build that thing up taller than this!”

Well, if he does build it, I hope it’s rock solid with bricks,

‘Cause like him in politics, I’m using all of his tricks,

‘Cause I’m throwin’ that piece of s— against the wall ’til it sticks,

And any fan of mine who’s a supporter of his,

I’m drawing in the sand a line, you’re either for or against,

And if you can’t decide who you like more and you’re split,

On who you should stand beside, I’ll do it for you with this: F— you.

End

The rest of America stand up,

We love our military, and we love our country,

But we f—ing hate Trump.

EducationHistoryHumorPolitics

The Pledge of Allegiance in Trumpland

Given the national controversy over the #Takeaknee movement and “the Donald’s” reaction to it, this seems like a good time to remind all Americans what the Pledge of Allegiance might look like in an idealized version of Trumpland.

CSA: Confederate States of America

CSA: Confederate States of America

 

HumorPolitics

Dearest Donald: With A Friend Like Me, Who Needs Enemies?

Anyone that doubts that “the Donald” could have been so easily manipulated by the Russians should check out this email.  I have not been shy in expressing my disdain for Mr. Trump and everything that he represents.  If he is going to invite me into his inner circle, who would he exclude?*

Screen Shot 2017-09-20 at 10.51.27 AM

 

*Other than the obvious:  women that don’t like being groped, people that are not white, people that were not born in the United States, people that were born in the United States but don’t look, think, or act the way that Führer Trump thinks people born in the United States should look, think, and act, people that don’t pretend to be good Christians, people that take the central message of Jesus too seriously, people that don’t speak English, people that prefer real facts over “alternative” facts, and anybody that criticizes Führer Trump for any reason.

EducationHumorPhilosophyPolitics

John Roberts Commencement Address

There are few individuals in the contemporary political millieu that I respect more than this man, Chief Justice John Roberts. Here is one example that illustrates why.

“From time to time in the years to come, I hope you will be treated unfairly,” Roberts said, “so that you will come to learn the value of justice.”

“I wish you bad luck — again, from time to time — so that you will be conscious of the role of chance in life,” Roberts said. “And understand that your success is not completely deserved, and that the failure of others is not completely deserved, either.”

File-Official_roberts_CJ_cropped

“But you are also privileged young men, and if you weren’t privileged when you came here, you’re privileged now because you have been here,” Roberts said. “My advice is: Don’t act like it.”

Analysis: The Best Thing John Roberts Wrote This Term Was Not a Supreme Court Opinion